1
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:05,047
-嗨 -嗨

2
00:00:05,131 --> 00:00:06,757
圣诞假期你跑来这干嘛？

3
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:09,510
真好笑，我也可以问你同样的问题

4
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,053
你没卫生纸了

5
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,471
对，我没卫生纸了

6
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:14,724
你来这里干嘛？

7
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,146
我…我来拿牛奶，免得过期

8
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647
所以说，我是在帮忙

9
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,733
杰瑞德很爱这个牛奶

10
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:25,901
谢谢

11
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:35,244
干嘛，你们真以为我会再买一棵树？

12
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:40,291
好吧，既然大家都在这里，我想借此机会

13
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,585
正式邀请你们来我家过平安夜

14
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,087
我家有饼乾和卫生纸，所以…

15
00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:47,131
好，抱歉，孩子，我们没空

16
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,841
芭芭拉和我晚上有约了

17
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,093
是啊，我之前已经参加过你的派对了

18
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,511
我想一次就够了吧？

19
00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:55,264
好吧，看来就只有我和葛瑞格了

20
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,182
本来就该这样

21
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,018
-大家早安 -你来偷什么的？

22
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,023
-这个 -是哦

23
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,608
我忘记今天不用来学校

24
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,526
我看到梅丽莎出门以为我要迟到了

25
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,904
因为她老爱自己出门，也不跟我说一声

26
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,490
她又来了，梅丽莎，等等我

27
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,284
小学风云

28
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,912
威拉德艾培公立小学

29
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,623
团结、积极、创新、卓越、成就

30
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:30,549
不对，雅各，我说胡萝卜要切丝

31
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,259
对嘛，哥，要像这样

32
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,095
不，不是那样，本来是切丝没错…

33
00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,265
这顿晚餐必须无懈可击

34
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,601
对，我知道很特别，因为你的家人要来

35
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,311
不，我才不在乎他们

36
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:45,064
他们把我踢出主办平安夜晚餐的轮值表

37
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:46,357
因为我变回单身

38
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,609
所以我要向他们证明我不需要丈夫

39
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,195
亲爱的，你不必向任何人证明什么

40
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,446
不，呆子，我要

41
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:56,242
我的家人会来我家，找尽各种理由

42
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:58,285
百般挑剔，嫌我的食物难吃

43
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,335
我们太早到吗，你怎么还没换衣服？

44
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,003
我也很高兴见到你，老姐

45
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,505
阿东

46
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,761
-好，哇赛 -对

47
00:02:15,845 --> 00:02:17,346
所以…这些烤过头了

48
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,306
对，但上一盘没烤熟

49
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,268
我还在抓烘培时间，有选择是好事

50
00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,729
没关系，反正我也不爱饼干，所以刚好

51
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:29,984
好，我知道你投先看布偶圣诞颂一票

52
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,027
但我想先看精灵总动员

53
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:34,238
我认为最完美的折衷方案是

54
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,657
-提姆艾伦的圣诞快乐又疯狂 -提姆艾伦的圣诞快乐又疯狂

55
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,159
好

56
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:42,204
我只是以防有人来，所以才烤饼干

57
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:45,374
只有我和葛瑞格，其实我好兴奋

58
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,961
第一次一起过平安夜，这是很重要的时刻

59
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:52,423
跟第一次接吻或第一次吵架一样重要

60
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,800
或第一次在对方面前放屁

61
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,969
这一点葛瑞格还没准备好

62
00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:01,015
我知道我们说待会才要交换礼物

63
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,225
但我有个小惊喜，我等不及了

64
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,145
-该不会是巴尔的摩金莺队球衣吧？-比那个更棒

65
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,442
好，别想叫我穿

66
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,321
好

67
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,074
亲爱的，你尝试不同妆容吗？可真勇敢

68
00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:20,159
谢了，妈

69
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,493
我很喜欢来找你，梅丽莎

70
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:24,288
和你在一起，都会让我自信大增

71
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,874
所以我才那么喜欢你来，安东尼

72
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,001
玛莉，你家变小了吗？

73
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,670
我是梅丽莎，然后我家没有神奇地缩水

74
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,756
也许只是你变胖了吧

75
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,593
阿奇，她要那么大的房子做什么？

76
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:40,888
她跟室友同住，未婚又孤零零的

77
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,264
-没错 -你也太后知后觉

78
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,349
-我？为什么？-对

79
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,685
谢天谢地，嗨

80
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,687
-圣诞快乐，梅丽莎 -圣诞快乐

81
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,564
-谢谢你，芭芭拉 -谢谢你邀请我们

82
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:53,651
-真高兴你们来了 -这不是我最爱的厨师吗？

83
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,236
你皮在痒吗？

84
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,655
-宝贝，你是我最爱的人 -好吧，原谅你

85
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,033
没人跟我说今晚要吃进步派的晚餐

86
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,786
你想被我掐死吗？

87
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:06,664
好，我为了这一刻已准备多年

88
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,123
好，我该怎么做？

89
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:11,961
我去你那张烂沙发小睡一下总行了吧

90
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,045
-好，这主意不错…-对

91
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,838
-但阿奇舅舅，去楼上 -什么？

92
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,841
你上楼去，离大家远一点

93
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:19,885
真是对不起

94
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:21,553
亲爱的，没关系

95
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:24,682
那些即将见到造物主或是下面那位的人

96
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,933
我们都要宽容以待

97
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,561
那位是种族歧视舅舅，不对，是阿奇

98
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,064
那位是克里斯汀玛丽、阿东、玛莉和马克

99
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,109
玛莉、马修、玛丽克里斯汀娜，克雷格、女托妮

100
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,195
以及服刑中的男托尼，那里有张卡片，可以签名祝福他

101
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,615
赖瑞、安东尼、席马斯，地下室还有30几个小孩

102
00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:45,661
当然还有最重要的一家之母，泰瑞莎夏满蒂太太

103
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,997
-她是我妈 -你忘了南西

104
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,791
不，这里…没有叫南西的人

105
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,876
我是在说你跟你的男朋友

106
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,920
-好，我通常很尊重长辈…-不，别这样

107
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:58,382
-但这家伙快惹到我了 -好，快上楼，笨蛋

108
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,052
我们一定要看篮球吗？

109
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,472
如果我穿这个，就得看那个

110
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,224
你好可爱

111
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:09,893
会是谁呢？

112
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:11,812
也许圣诞老人提早到了

113
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,649
算猜对吧，你好，强森先生

114
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,234
你来参加我们的小聚会吗？

115
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,029
当然不是，我一听就知道你在讲客套话

116
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:23,407
我来送你和你的大脚丫温暖的慰藉

117
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,451
还有给你的小幸福

118
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:29,496
如何有个性？还真贴心

119
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,915
圣诞快乐，两位，我要去北极了

120
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:33,459
好，玩得开心

121
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,627
嗨，艾娃，是艾娃耶

122
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:38,797
嗨，艾娃，居然来跟我们庆祝平安夜

123
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:39,965
-对 -祝你们快乐

124
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,343
你怎么会来？我以为你说你没空

125
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,845
我深不可测，所以大家才这么爱我

126
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:48,390
幸好我有来，否则这里也太冷清了

127
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,560
今年走查理布朗风吗？

128
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,938
我觉得他的树枝比你多，但至少你有自己的富兰克林

129
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,360
珍妮，你装饰品哪买的，一元商店吗？

130
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,404
其实有个新桌游叫囚禁

131
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:05,324
表面上是一款越狱游戏，但深层面…

132
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,077
你拿来给我看看吧，我在这里等

133
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,161
好

134
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,166
你和那个消防员怎么样了？

135
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:17,378
他是消防员，他负责灭火耶

136
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,296
对，但是妈，我们还在约会阶段

137
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,256
没到那种一起过圣诞的程度

138
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,427
你想孤零零地过圣诞节？感觉会是很棒的悲情歌

139
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,930
天哪，我超爱悲情的圣诞歌

140
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,517
总得有人提供他们灵感嘛，梅丽莎很适合

141
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,853
是哦，我悲情？晚餐还没开始你就醉了耶

142
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:37,356
我没醉，我是得了贝尔氏麻痹症

143
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,608
是哦，那你另一边脸该怎么解释？

144
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,068
你欠揍啊

145
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,326
不好意思

146
00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:02,005
不…不

147
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,258
呼吸，你这老顽固，快呼吸

148
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:10,097
哈罗，这里有位失去知觉的老人，完毕

149
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,432
这东西要怎么用？

150
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:16,687
哥，我先警告你，别在这些人面前说任何对洛基不敬的话

151
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,314
迦乐，梅丽莎的舅舅好像死了

152
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,650
-你会心肺复苏术吧？-什么？我哪会

153
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,485
什么意思？你是健身教练耶

154
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,988
-怎么不会心肺复苏术？-我在抖音上教健身

155
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,614
你是老师耶，应该要会吧？

156
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:30,117
我上心肺复苏术课时没认真上课

157
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,285
而且我很不擅长危机处理

158
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:32,870
好吧

159
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,206
哥，他真的死了

160
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,879
-梅丽莎，可以跟你谈谈吗？-好

161
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,006
我在做青酱，你需要什么？

162
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,342
你的…

163
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,512
什么？有话快说

164
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,556
嘴巴张开，好吃吗？

165
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,017
-超好吃 -你舅舅死了

166
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,228
你到底想说什么，雅各？

167
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,439
他到苏州卖鸭蛋了

168
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,525
没有，他这白痴，他只是睡得很沉，他有睡眠呼吸中止症

169
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:07,571
我摸他的脉搏，他躺在衣服堆上断气了

170
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,329
不，不可能

171
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:19,166
我来报警，你先跟家人说，好吗？

172
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,752
好，先别急

173
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:26,131
如果他死了，那我们先吃晚餐也不会怎样

174
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,467
-梅丽莎 -好，听我说，雅各

175
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,552
我为了这顿晚餐整整准备了两周

176
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:34,431
如果我们现在告诉大家，一切都没了，跟阿奇舅舅一样

177
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,893
-好吃到炸 -而且，他们会怪我

178
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,978
-怪你什么？-你又不是不知道我家人

179
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,063
他们会找尽各种理由

180
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,314
梅丽莎，晚餐好了吗？

181
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:45,359
还是我要再吃一片饼乾和芝士？

182
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,069
去年去恩尼表哥家真的超好玩

183
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,654
雪拉都会准时上晚餐

184
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:49,905
好，听好了

185
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:53,909
一个半小时后，我们再报警，告诉他们死讯，懂吗？

186
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:54,993
先吃晚餐再说

187
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,413
梅丽莎，你需要帮忙吗？

188
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,415
-芭芭拉 -什么？

189
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,167
她的舅舅在楼上死了

190
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,670
然后她想等晚餐后再告诉大家

191
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,171
快跟她说她疯了

192
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,589
梅丽莎，你还好吗？

193
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:10,175
对，可以帮我拿佛卡夏吗？在那边

194
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:12,678
好

195
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,597
只要她没意见，我就没意见，今天她请客

196
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,141
能在睡梦中离开也很不错

197
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,226
杰瑞德肚子很饿

198
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,562
我的床上有个死人

199
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,231
雅各，拜托你，别只想到自己

200
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,399
就是说啊…

201
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:34,533
艾娃，没想到你平安夜居然没有活动

202
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,286
没跟朋友、家人、饶舌歌手约？

203
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,788
我已经回家看过我奶奶了

204
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,874
她吃了三根糖果棒，拆了别人的礼物

205
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,710
然后就睡着了，真是我的女王

206
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,170
我在这里没有其他家人

207
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:49,881
我在理发店见到艾娃的爸爸

208
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,593
我不想多管闲事，所以我还没告诉珍妮

209
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:55,262
但我认为这不是我该知道的事

210
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,431
我给了可观的小费，并忘了这件事

211
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,350
而且，我的朋友都有孩子了

212
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,519
你知道跟孩子一起是什么感觉吗？

213
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,689
-当然，我们在学校教书 -所以你懂

214
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,774
-我们来看圣诞电影怎么样？-好啊

215
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,651
葛瑞格居然没看过圣诞快乐再疯狂

216
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:10,819
那我们来看吧

217
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,321
我受够圣诞气氛了

218
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,822
来看个恐怖片好了

219
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,742
我想看擅闯民宅的次类型

220
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,452
这你应该最清楚

221
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,913
我只能接受一个人擅闯我家

222
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,499
是扮成欢乐胖老头的提姆艾伦，所以…

223
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,168
看恐怖片就对了

224
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,337
闭眼一小时又四十四分钟就好了

225
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,255
对你这种身高的人来说

226
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,506
大概相当于八小时的睡眠

227
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,803
-你要去哪？-拿我的外套

228
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,222
-我要去抽烟 -不用，不必跑上楼

229
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,016
雅各帮你拿就好

230
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,267
最好是

231
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,227
我口袋里有满满的救生圈硬糖

232
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,896
我不会让你那位住家管家

233
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,648
用他黏黏的手抢走我的凤梨糖

234
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,774
还真好笑

235
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109
我大学时差点被那个糖果噎死，后来就不吃了

236
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:53,111
中间那个小洞救了我一命

237
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,196
名副其实的救生圈

238
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,531
不必去拿外套，你看，克里斯汀玛丽

239
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,950
我有这个新的…吸烟毛毯

240
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,118
现在大家都这样穿

241
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,495
-吸烟毛毯？-没错

242
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,747
-有气质，好看 -对吧？

243
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,707
好，你穿很好看

244
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:09,503
真是好险，我还为此失去一条毯子

245
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,214
闻起来会像老兵宿舍，但我们快完成任务了

246
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,174
吃完晚餐就解脱了，好吗？

247
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,258
放轻松

248
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,344
我要去上厕所

249
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:20,138
但我不想错过戴动物面具的人砍人的桥段

250
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,390
对

251
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,647
我想象的第一次共度平安夜不是这样的

252
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,858
-她比平常还要艾娃 -对

253
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,569
你能叫她离开吗？由你开口她比较会听

254
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,826
-好吧，我待会跟她说 -谢谢你

255
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,412
你的洗手乳是便宜货

256
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,083
我能跟你聊聊吗？

257
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,377
聊你们穿连脚睡衣有多蠢吗？

258
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,630
不，这点我们看法一致，但你还好吗？

259
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,173
我很好啊，怎样？

260
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,384
因为你刚刚说

261
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,594
你在费城没有其他家人，但是…

262
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,514
我遇到你爸爸

263
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,560
在哪里？

264
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,645
理发店，他帮我理发

265
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,023
是哦

266
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,152
我不想干预你的私事

267
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:19,990
但我只想关心你，毕竟现在是圣诞节

268
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:24,119
我跟我爸的感情不好，我不跟他说话

269
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,789
真有你的，我们第一次共度平安夜，你哪壶不开提哪壶？

270
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,499
我就知道你只会煞风景

271
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,543
我很抱歉提起这件事，真的

272
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:35,088
我…只是知道你说的，严格来说不是事实，有时候…

273
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:38,592
我懂，但除了他，我真的没其他家人了

274
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,052
所以我来找工作上的家人，随你怎么说

275
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:45,807
-天哪，艾娃，我不知道你…-闭嘴

276
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,392
不准跟珍妮透露半字

277
00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:50,437
因为那个小妖怪精灵又会想施展圣诞奇迹

278
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,272
让我和那男人重修旧好

279
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:55,859
我不需要她或你的同情，况且你居然没固定的理发师

280
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,612
-我的理发师不在 -最好是

281
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,908
她听进去了吗？

282
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,035
她应该有更好玩的去处吧？

283
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:10,123
这个嘛，严格来说，我没叫她走

284
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,500
什么，为什么？

285
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:15,295
-因为是圣诞节嘛 -对，但她毁了我们的节日

286
00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,131
我们就让她留下来吧

287
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,092
你有什么事瞒着我？

288
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,347
-我不能告诉你 -什么？

289
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,182
我跟艾娃说我不会告诉你

290
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,060
所以你和艾娃之间有秘密

291
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:34,397
珍妮，火炉画面有什么好看的？

292
00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:36,775
遥控器在哪里？

293
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:40,779
找到了

294
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,034
美味极了

295
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:50,038
席马斯，你要去哪？

296
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,499
席马斯要多喝尊美醇，所以得解放一下

297
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,835
好，去楼下的厕所吧？

298
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,962
楼上的不能用，被雅各用碎了

299
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,630
你们绝不想知道为什么

300
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,423
我很惊讶你居然办到了

301
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,343
看来我不用把家里的海鲜拼盘解冻

302
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,011
当我和阿东的备用晚餐了

303
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,139
要是这个别煮那么软就好了

304
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,224
对，有点太软了

305
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:13,186
对，否则几乎能媲美奶奶的螺旋面

306
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:24,614
你做到了，梅丽莎，公认的成功，所以…

307
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,157
有听到我妈说的吗？

308
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,368
雅各，她说我几乎能媲美奶奶

309
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,203
她从没给我这么高的评价

310
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:33,123
我不认识那位奶奶，但我完全同意

311
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,542
好，我觉得我们该报警了

312
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,379
梅丽莎，杰瑞德想问何时会上甜点？

313
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,463
雅各，听好了

314
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,632
这顿晚餐无法划下完美的句点

315
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,552
除非等大家吃下最后一口卡诺里卷

316
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262
感动地哭红双眼

317
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:51,141
因为外皮和瑞可塔芝士搭配地天衣无缝

318
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:55,145
我只想让每个人都…酒足饭饱

319
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,982
心满意足地在浴室镜子前吞胃散时

320
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,567
心想：「说实话

321
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:05,655
梅丽莎真的是家族里最厉害的人，而我只是个孤单的废物」

322
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,658
我以前也做过这种晚餐

323
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,410
-对 -我已经很有耐心了

324
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:14,873
天哪，我认得这个

325
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:18,293
夏满蒂家的卡诺里卷，好吃得要命

326
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:23,632
还不能吃

327
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:25,967
好了，谁准备好要…

328
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,053
等等，等我一下

329
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,931
我这就来了

330
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:33,808
好

331
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,519
-嗨 -圣诞强森先生捎来消息

332
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,313
帮你带了红色染发剂补染发根

333
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,649
跟雅各说星期天早上八点来接我

334
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:41,733
染发剂

335
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,735
我送他的礼物是让他带我滑雪橇

336
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:44,945
谢了

337
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:48,198
抱歉，我不能久留，我得赶去北极

338
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,991
雌狐和舞者还在等我

339
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,118
好，圣诞快乐

340
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,746
-好了，现在 -来吧

341
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,122
谁想吃甜点呀？

342
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,832
放这里

343
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,043
等等，先别吃，你…

344
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:04,297
她一开始要我们吃，现在又叫我们别吃

345
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,967
真的很三心二意，到底要我们怎样？

346
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,804
你跑来我家干嘛？我说过我没有邀请你

347
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,889
我不是来吃晚餐的，我尊重你的意愿

348
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:15,308
急救人员收到这里发出的死亡警报通知

349
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,436
我看到你的地址，只是想确认你没事

350
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,438
有人摔倒吗？有人死亡吗？

351
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,732
这是那位优秀的消防员吗？

352
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,443
看吧，各位？我就说她有对象

353
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,739
难怪食物会这么好吃

354
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:32,534
单身女人无法做出这么美味的菜肴

355
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,618
-没错 -我说对了吧？

356
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,328
-正确无误 -我说对了，好

357
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,497
哪位有死亡警报器？

358
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,666
-怎么回事？-所以那东西真的有用啊

359
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,835
-谁死了？-没人死，妈

360
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,545
-梅丽莎 -雅各，卡诺里卷

361
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:46,214
-死亡警报是什么？-有人说甜点吗？

362
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,590
-我准备好吃甜点了 -杰瑞德

363
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,635
好，妈，各位，我实话实说吧

364
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,805
阿奇舅舅在楼上死了

365
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,266
我很抱歉

366
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,018
-那死老头还欠我钱耶 -抱歉

367
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,353
梅丽莎的房子杀人了

368
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,563
什么？妈！

369
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:04,899
丹尼男孩，那笛声，那笛声…

370
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:08,862
好，我不想打岔，但尸体在哪里？

371
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:09,946
楼上，我房间

372
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,448
我的天，你还活着？

373
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,617
什么？我才不会错过卡诺里卷呢

374
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,703
我以为你说你检查了他的脉搏

375
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,247
我有啊，像这样但毫无动静，而且…

376
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,833
天哪，雅各，你也没有脉搏

377
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:25,962
都是我的错

378
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:29,090
这样的话，这位种族歧视又恐同的兄弟，你发烧了

379
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,634
现在明白我为何不邀请你了吧？

380
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,678
-完全明白 -好

381
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,265
要么你跟我说是什么事，要么我请她离开

382
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,434
我保证，我没请她走是有原因的

383
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,019
但我不能告诉你原因

384
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,937
-快点告诉我 -我不能说

385
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:44,439
好啊

386
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,733
你还有什么秘密瞒着我？

387
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,154
你的肌肉是真的吗，是类固醇吧？

388
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,991
你们最好别在平安夜吵架

389
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,792
葛瑞格无意间发现我爸住费城

390
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,126
我要他别跟你说

391
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,754
因为我知道你又会来那套，珍妮拯救世界的戏码

392
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,465
试图修复我没兴趣修复的关系

393
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,760
他帮我剪头发，他是理发师，秘密曝光

394
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,014
然后你不想一个人

395
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,184
你说对了

396
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,521
每当圣诞节，我还是会感到脆弱

397
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:29,901
所以你能让我再多待一会儿吗？

398
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,403
我的天，当然没问题

399
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,034
想和工作上的家人一起过节很正常

400
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,537
闭嘴，珍妮

401
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,456
我吃光你的棉花糖了

402
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,625
你知道吗，梅丽莎？

403
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,919
你的厨艺没像大家说的那么差

404
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,756
-为何你留不住男人呢？-滚，给我滚

405
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:53,716
我还是好饿

406
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,302
对，我们吃饭时你死了，所以…

407
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:58,763
如果阿奇舅舅真的死了

408
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,723
那会是夏满蒂家族史上最棒的晚餐

409
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:01,808
是不是？

410
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,269
保重，阿东

411
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:09,065
如果你和消防员告吹的话，我认识一个人

412
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,818
妈，晚安，我爱你

413
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:19,200
梅丽莎，他们永远不会承认，但我告诉你，他们对你另眼相看了

414
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,285
亲爱的芭芭拉

415
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,453
-圣诞快乐，你学我 -圣诞快乐

416
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,248
再见，亲爱的

417
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,332
太好吃了

418
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:27,417
谢谢你

419
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,796
消防老大哥

420
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,841
席马斯在雅各的床上昏倒，我觉得他真的死了

421
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,678
太无耻了吧，席马斯

422
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,346
有够恶的

423
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,891
他刚叫我消防老大哥吗？

424
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:45,101
对，那两个跟我没关系

425
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,353
好奇是什么东西

426
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,980
-马克杯 -好

427
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,481
头、屁股

428
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,984
-好可爱，真的 -可以随意排列组合

429
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,820
我们不知道你会来

430
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:59,407
-但没关系，因为…-别又来了

431
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,034
好，这个给你

432
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,412
所以…

433
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,457
说来好玩，我订了好几双才找到合身的

434
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,459
因为我的脚和身高比例很独特

435
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,253
幸运的是，亚马逊有很多选择

436
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,005
是不是很可爱？

437
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,715
这果然很有珍妮的风格

438
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:16,799
谢谢你

439
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,344
我们有很多枕头和毯子

440
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,095
而且这沙发也满好睡的

441
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,263
-对，还不错 -对

442
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:24,474
你们在想什么，三人行吗？

443
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:28,853
-想得美，我只是来打发时间的 -到什么时候？

444
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,064
外面有辆派对巴士写着我的名字

445
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,066
平安夜最适合去夜店

446
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,442
那里的人都没小孩

447
00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,526
有也等于没有

448
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,614
圣诞随意，再见

449
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,534
圣诞快乐？

450
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,079
圣诞快乐

451
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,506
我终于送完礼物了

452
00:20:57,173 --> 00:21:00,176
糟糕，忘记芭芭拉和艾娃了

453
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,429
我真的得开始列名单，还要检查两次

454
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,016
总之，我要去北极啦

455
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:08,518
北极

456
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,770
各位，晚安罗

457
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:17,360
上吧，雌狐，上吧，舞者…上吧，舞者

458
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:20,280
没错，圣诞快乐！

459
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,364
绅士俱乐部

460
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,449
字幕翻译：Quill Lee