1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,085
家长及塔里克联谊会摇很大

2
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,545
好，再次重申

3
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:07,465
学区规定必须在欧海尔衣库购买制服

4
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,802
如果各位的孩子，穿百货公司买的临时制服来上学

5
00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:11,928
他们会被请回家

6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,514
菲林地下商场和欧海尔的蓝衬衫跟卡其裤

7
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,141
是差在哪？

8
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,435
差在孩子会不会被请回家

9
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,228
-不好意思，还不够清楚吗？-对

10
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:22,981
还有，我不是说过不要擅自大声提问吗？

11
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,315
请保持礼貌，真是的

12
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,361
但联谊会成功为艾培争取，月底前享有七折优惠

13
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,738
所以请把握机会

14
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,740
很大的折扣，对吧？

15
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,116
-是不是？我们做到了 -厉害

16
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,993
非常好，不用客气

17
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,077
好，继续

18
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,289
我们收到很多关于附近高尔夫球场施工

19
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,749
以及其对孩子们影响的邮件

20
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,292
不只是孩子们

21
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,543
对社区的影响呢？

22
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:45,420
他们想让我们负担不起生活

23
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,339
我可不希望我女儿明年被迫转学

24
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:49,924
不能阻止这项建设吗？

25
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:51,968
各位

26
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,803
高尔夫球场是进行式

27
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,097
我们束手无策

28
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,391
那可不一定，我可以学贝格文斯那样

29
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,350
-什么？-听着

30
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,686
我可以和他们的麦特戴蒙混熟

31
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,271
看似在教他打高尔夫球

32
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,814
但其实在教他人生道理

33
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,650
我想补充一下，这主意烂透了

34
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,027
-好吧 -但要再补充一点

35
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,946
那部电影很棒，是威尔史密斯最好的作品

36
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,032
别闹了，你把《七生有幸》摆在哪里？

37
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,116
我喜欢《精灵总动员》

38
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,326
-那是威尔法洛 -对啊

39
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,410
洁达的丈夫

40
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,453
-不是 -好的

41
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:19,829
我们回到正题

42
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,415
我喜欢《飙风战警》我认为那是他最好的电影，请继续

43
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:25,126
-那部厉害到还有自己的排舞 -对

44
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,629
-不对，你说的是《MIB星际战警》-对，好的

45
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,547
慢着，《飙风战警》有自己的排舞？

46
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:32,425
它有自己的排舞吗？

47
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,803
-好吧 -上吧，芭芭拉

48
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,888
看吧？来了，都是你们，她要开始了

49
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:37,972
我有个法槌

50
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,182
我真的有个法槌

51
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:42,936
对，这法槌是专门为联谊会的会议准备的

52
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:47,232
我很想砰砰敲桌，然后说：「散会」

53
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,775
但我还没机会用上

54
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:52,403
因为就像大多数，在费城学校体育馆举行的会议

55
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,406
每场联谊会会议都是同样的结局

56
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,799
不

57
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:20,140
《小学风云》

58
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,767
威拉德艾培公立小学

59
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,478
团结、积极、创新、卓越、成就

60
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:34,070
美国宪法为政府建立了框架

61
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,655
其中包括《权利法案》

62
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:38,116
但你们听过德拉古吗？

63
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,534
是那个巫师还是饶舌歌手？

64
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:46,207
也许该秀一段我的饶舌表演，才能好好地描述他

65
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,750
好烂！

66
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:48,877
好吧

67
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,796
他创立了德拉古宪法

68
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,340
还写下严厉的法典规章

69
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,052
制定统一的惩罚以建立秩序

70
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,262
听起来好像我妈

71
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,684
好吧，我们下次继续

72
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,061
记得读完那一章节

73
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,564
布兰登，你怎么一直抓痒？

74
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,357
-他很脏 -才不是

75
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,276
你的手臂怎么了？

76
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,657
我好期待今晚连续看两部片

77
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,284
-我很…-电影之夜

78
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,452
我能当电灯泡吗？

79
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,163
仅限珍葛恋？

80
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,290
想不想来个珍葛雅三人派对？

81
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,709
算了，给你们决定，你们要看什么？

82
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,044
先看《沙丘》，再看《星期五》

83
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,339
对，我看过《沙丘：第二部》和《又一个星期五》

84
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,341
是时候看前传了

85
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,634
讲到这个

86
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,637
提到大虫，先警告一下，以下内容有点恶

87
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,931
我第一节课上有位学生长体癣

88
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,396
他离开了

89
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,857
振作点，珍妮，这段恋情比我预期得还久

90
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,610
负责清洁这所学校的人应该被解雇

91
00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:56,861
有个孩子长体癣了

92
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,404
-体癣？-雅各，过来

93
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,073
-好 -不，远一点

94
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,658
你怎么知道是体癣？

95
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:02,909
你摸了吗？

96
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:06,621
当然没有，但那明显是个发痒的红圈圈，而且这周护士不在

97
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:09,040
所以我让他回家，并清洁所有表面

98
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,667
-那样不够 -那样不够

99
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,795
雅各，体癣是小学的…

100
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:14,879
最可怕的敌人

101
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,090
或许高年级学生能避免彼此碰触…

102
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,383
如果低年级学生感染

103
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,842
-无人能幸免 -无人能幸免

104
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,012
-一、二、三 -一、二、三

105
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,097
-香蕉 -善良

106
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,056
感谢天

107
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:29,686
上次体癣爆发，大约有一个星期，半数的教职员和学生都缺席

108
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,646
-太糟糕了 -对

109
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:33,106
比糟糕还糟糕

110
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:36,025
我这周末有约会，雅各，你有想过吗？

111
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,027
而且那个人有热水浴缸

112
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,112
是嵌入式的

113
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,571
跟这件事有什么关系？

114
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,615
我跟这童男无法沟通

115
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,158
我得过体癣一次

116
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,660
是我教书的第二年

117
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,161
非常可怕

118
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,330
但感谢老天，我已经免疫了

119
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,874
芭芭拉，得过体癣不会有免疫力

120
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,085
也许你没有，但我有

121
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:56,796
听着，回到我处理得当的话题

122
00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,174
我比学区政策超前部署，放学前就让他回家

123
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,761
我有个计划能保证体癣零传播

124
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,513
-我也有个计划 -好

125
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:10,059
第一步，隔离特定的学生以控制传播

126
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,519
隔离被感染的学生

127
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:14,147
对，我们要监控学生行为

128
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,815
进行无情的监视

129
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,234
我们要采取个别化学习…

130
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,486
把学生单独监禁

131
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,946
听起来好严重

132
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,239
-对，是真的很严重 -好

133
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,491
听着，根本不需要担心，各位

134
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,909
都处理好了，我们没事

135
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,245
最好是处理好了，雅各

136
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:30,997
热水浴缸

137
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,458
他妈的嵌入式的！

138
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,341
有什么事吗？

139
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:43,009
你不开门吗？

140
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,802
你最近有洗手吗？

141
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,179
我需要你的口头答复

142
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,263
葛瑞格

143
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,061
你干嘛这么紧张兮兮？

144
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:56,064
你教一年级，这里也不是无菌区啊

145
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,523
体癣是真菌，珍妮

146
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,442
是完整的生态系统

147
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,070
真菌就像鲨鱼，懂吗？

148
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,365
美丽又优雅，但必须敬而远之

149
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,532
不，是受人敬畏

150
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,160
说真的，你如果不认同，那你就是怪人

151
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:10,828
好

152
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,500
谢谢

153
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,585
-谢了 -好吧

154
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:23,800
葛瑞格的这一面也并非出乎我的意料之外

155
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:27,470
但的确是我以前没见过的一面

156
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,305
他真的很讨厌体癣

157
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,015
可能比讨厌披萨还讨厌

158
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,017
但每个人都有奇怪的地方

159
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,561
要是他爱体癣，那我才要担心吧

160
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,647
我可能会无法接受

161
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,565
而且他也不能要我接受

162
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:41,651
来了，你看我

163
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,946
我也有个怪习惯，那就是，容易被自己假设的情境牵着走，所以…

164
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,785
布兰登，你怎么回来了？我请你回家耶

165
00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,245
在这等一下，孩子

166
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,747
我有回家，但我妈叫我回来上学

167
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,295
「亲爱的希尔老师，你这样做错了

168
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,755
根据学区官网资讯

169
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,633
我的孩子在放学前不该回家

170
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,887
我不是你惹得起的，没到三点请别再叫我的孩子回家

171
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,391
你可以惹耶稣，但别惹我，派翠西亚」，这是个谜语吗？

172
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,309
意思是我必须待到放学

173
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,019
但其实我也想回来

174
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,605
我把Switch借给乔乔，他还没还我

175
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,942
好，那真令人沮丧，应该说是令人不安

176
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,487
好，你是说你让同学，碰了你充满传染力的游戏机？

177
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:27,655
对，但说实话

178
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,199
老希上课时我们没听课，全班在传着玩

179
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,701
好，太糟糕了，雅各

180
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,994
糟…糟糕透顶

181
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,328
走吧，孩子们

182
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,956
查理画好了

183
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,586
真的很像你耶，好厉害

184
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:44,046
但也许可以加点米色，对不对？

185
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,631
加上一点颜色

186
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,758
一定有超多全新的米色

187
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,093
-珍妮 -怎么了？

188
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,845
有体癣的学生又回来了

189
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,263
该执行你的计划了

190
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,516
我这辈子都在等待这一刻

191
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,726
全体出动

192
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,478
好，我去跟艾娃说

193
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,854
我早就准备好了

194
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,941
艾娃，我以为你说不会再偷听教室的对话

195
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,568
我是出了名的骗子

196
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:06,777
上工吧

197
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,618
好，强森先生，麻烦你全天候守在这里

198
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,037
不择手段地封锁这层楼

199
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,288
我明白

200
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:18,789
别想通过我这一关

201
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,337
任何人都别想

202
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,341
好，如各位所见，一切准备就绪

203
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:32,011
高年级生应该能避免彼此接触，但低年级生就不行了

204
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,013
因此为了安全起见

205
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,139
彻底封锁二楼

206
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,683
和一楼完全隔离

207
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,311
若一切顺利，我们再也不用见到楼上的人

208
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:43,064
全校学生必须随时清洁双手

209
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,483
禁止上下楼

210
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:46,776
禁止团体活动

211
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,070
不准下课、不准去体育馆、不准去图书馆

212
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,446
不准上厕所

213
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,948
除非有人监督

214
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,700
看吧？我跟你不一样，我要他们就地解决

215
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,995
-我要他们别这么做 -你们反应过度了

216
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,456
-楼上的人不能去图书馆？-雅各

217
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,501
因为你和零号病人被困在二楼，所以才这么不爽

218
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:04,418
好，这样的话

219
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,795
我爱你如亲生儿子，雅各

220
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,046
但我不会手下留情的

221
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:10,508
雅各，一旦病毒传播下楼，大家都会感染

222
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,260
我们必须保护全校师生

223
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,762
太不公平了，而且不能这样教导学生

224
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,597
你这个态度太轻率了

225
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,891
也许你确诊了，现在是体癣在跟我们说话

226
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,519
就是说啊，你上次何时洗腿？

227
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,354
我没有体癣

228
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,690
得了，小罗勃甘乃迪

229
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,444
没人在家

230
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,532
葛瑞格走了

231
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:35,616
好了

232
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,785
你够罗

233
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,164
-嗨 -嗨

234
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,833
我们已经封锁二楼了

235
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,251
你不必这样

236
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,295
-怎样？-就是…

237
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,839
你哪来的高领毛衣？

238
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,007
从我抽屉里拿的

239
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,842
你干嘛在抽屉里放高领毛衣？

240
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,927
有备无患，例如现在

241
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,554
然后呢，你打算一直待在这里？

242
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:57,805
应该吧，没错

243
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,432
好吧，那…

244
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,809
今晚不一起看两部片了吗？

245
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,353
我觉得…

246
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,315
基于最近发生的事情，先TBD

247
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,567
-TBD？-就是有待决定…

248
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,027
-我知道TBD的意思，葛瑞格 -那好

249
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,114
那先这样

250
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,199
再见

251
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,416
本来没有双门锁啊

252
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,461
我自己装的

253
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:29,754
听着，我没有发疯

254
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:30,838
这叫实际

255
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:33,966
我干嘛离那么远？

256
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,635
你干嘛这么近？

257
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,136
注意

258
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,349
你刚跑去哪？

259
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,727
我去休息室补充咖啡，以应付下午的疲劳

260
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,730
强森先生应该在这里阻止人员进出

261
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:51,692
你肯定料不到他为了得到，一片野莓水果条，做什么都愿意

262
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,573
好，你不仅害所有人暴露于危险之中

263
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,451
还毁了你的个人目标，你说过要改喝茶的

264
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:02,995
你应该认清事实

265
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:09,710
听着，2002年、2007年和2011年，疫情爆发时，我完全没被感染

266
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,671
我告诉你，我有免疫力

267
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,506
上帝保佑我

268
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,758
所以上帝保佑你，但没保佑学生？

269
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,843
我已向上帝多次提过这件事

270
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,387
那如果我不信上帝呢？

271
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,722
我不是这意思，我相信，尤其搭飞机时

272
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,891
我觉得不该把上帝扯进来

273
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,352
我只是想讲重点，我们待会再谈

274
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,438
听着，我很高兴你受到庇佑所以没事

275
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,483
但这个周末，我们当中有人有要务在身

276
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:36,904
所以拜托，别再上楼，也绝对不可下楼

277
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:37,988
懂吗？

278
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:46,038
在这教书这么久，我经历过无数大风大浪

279
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,793
体癣、水痘、狂牛病，伤心牛、红牛、蓝牛

280
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:57,883
自由

281
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,137
对，大家都不重视这件事，让我很不爽

282
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,848
因为我觉得他们没搞清重点

283
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,517
这个热水浴缸是嵌入地下的，懂吗？

284
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,394
不是好市多的便宜货

285
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,854
他得找承包商

286
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,772
要有人来安装、挖洞

287
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,315
承包商耶

288
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:17,111
宪法是我们共存的框架，明白吗？

289
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,612
美国宪法、德拉古宪法

290
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,406
你们要跑去哪？

291
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:23,534
我们都…待在这吧

292
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:24,785
大家来聊聊天

293
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,120
随便聊，放松一下

294
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,621
但现在是下课时间

295
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,915
-对，这就是最正点的事 -正点？

296
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:33,419
-我们今天不用下课 -不用下课？

297
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,713
我们都待在这里会对大家比较安全

298
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,673
直到整个搔痒风波平息

299
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,216
所以你要把我们困在这里？

300
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,677
没到「困」这么严重

301
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,345
-但就是这个意思 -对，你们被困在这了

302
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,392
各位，这么做是考量大局，是好事

303
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,810
全是屁话

304
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,228
-对啊 -没错

305
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,313
他们说得对

306
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,398
知道他们为何正确吗？

307
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:58,486
因为我教他们要质疑体制，向权力说实话

308
00:12:58,569 --> 00:12:59,612
而真相就是

309
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,489
没错，全是屁话

310
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,284
天哪，我真是一位好老师

311
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,119
喂，《大西洋》吗？

312
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,831
这则新闻是给负责精采故事的人

313
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:11,957
我有条发烧新闻

314
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,628
地方小学遭疾病肆虐，英雄校长力挽狂澜

315
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:19,131
标题可以参考，「艾娃柯尔曼大『癣』身手」

316
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,094
洛瑞老师说我如果再这样，就得来校长室

317
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:25,763
结果又这样了

318
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,807
我不想管，出去

319
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,392
各位老师请注意

320
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,103
今天不准将任何学生送到校长室

321
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,648
想作乱的孩子，请各位把握今天

322
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:36,982
祝大家杀戮日快乐

323
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,072
强森先生，立刻把所有的消毒剂，拿到我办公室

324
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,449
强森先生？

325
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,952
你又站着睡觉了吗？

326
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,453
不

327
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,081
乔治华盛顿卡佛，花生酱是我发明的

328
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,629
我读完这一章了，能上厕所吗？

329
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,298
抱歉，你不能在无人监管的情况下离开

330
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:04,051
我现在又离不开教室，我也不想这样

331
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:06,011
但你不明白我承受着多大的压力

332
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,347
你不明白我的膀胱承受着多大的压力

333
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,599
但我保证，上个厕所去去就回

334
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,102
否则我还能去哪，偷溜去学其他新知吗？

335
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,937
你如果不小心去上摩顿的课，那绝对不会有收获

336
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,189
我现在没心情跟你讲摩顿的坏话

337
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,109
-为什么？-因为你比摩顿还差劲

338
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,819
你是德拉古

339
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,072
好，你去吧

340
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,156
谢谢

341
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:32,329
活生生的有机体，微小的生物爬满全身

342
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,623
在潮湿的地方繁殖，所以…

343
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,253
刚刚怎么回事？

344
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,380
那件外套？

345
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,134
吉欧，你今天早上有穿那件外套吗？

346
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,218
没有

347
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,930
-外套哪来的？-我哥给我的

348
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,348
-我刚刚好冷 -什么时候？

349
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,267
就是刚刚

350
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,227
吉欧，不是说不能离开教室吗？

351
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,355
对，所以我才传信息请他拿给我

352
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:01,483
他从哪拿来的？

353
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,987
你哥哥在几楼？

354
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,412
艾迪老师，我的手臂好痒

355
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,539
真菌来了

356
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,917
它们来了

357
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,795
请注意，有人违反规定

358
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,423
再说一次，有人违反规定了

359
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:26,008
防线已遭入侵

360
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,177
感染正迅速蔓延，侵入各楼层

361
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,929
全校进入封锁状态

362
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:34,099
我正在看监视画面，找出失职的老师或清洁工

363
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,395
你刚只去厕所，没去别的地方吧？

364
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,230
-没有 -谢天谢地

365
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:44,109
但我还顺便去了一楼

366
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,612
拿我的外套给我弟，他会冷

367
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:47,988
-什么？-然后

368
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,532
我去图书馆还书，并跟霍尔老师击掌

369
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,910
还去教师休息室拿饮料，但我发誓就这样

370
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:55,245
我只同意让你去厕所

371
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,413
好笑的是

372
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,249
结果我忘了上厕所

373
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,460
我现在能去厕所吗？

374
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,927
怎么可能？我的计划明明天衣无缝

375
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,428
事实证明没有

376
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,972
-芭芭拉一直违反规定 -芭芭拉

377
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,640
我以为你的家族不会告密

378
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,308
不然我的叔叔们怎么坐牢的？

379
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,393
不是芭芭拉，好吗？

380
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,979
我们班的孩子不知怎的，拿到一件楼上来的污染外套

381
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,522
-不知怎的？-抱歉

382
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:22,815
好了…各位

383
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:26,443
我可能有让我的学生去洗手间，然后…

384
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,903
你就这么恨我吗？

385
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,114
-我这么努力地防疫 -我膝盖以上都除毛了，雅各

386
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,532
膝盖以上

387
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,492
你真的太不负责任了

388
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,953
最好是，你明明还跟他击掌

389
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:38,080
是没错，但我有免疫力

390
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,290
全体停课，艾培全校封闭

391
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:43,544
我们将面临这所学校史上最大的灾难

392
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,380
现在只能各自奋战，无论男人、女人，还是完美的校长

393
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,258
把所有学生送回各自的教室，我会待在我的防空洞

394
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,093
对了，我吃完你防空洞里的零食了

395
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,428
你不知道我的防空洞在哪

396
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,346
难不成我能凭空拿到零食？亲爱的

397
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,566
各位，太没同学爱了

398
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,276
不能让布兰登自己坐在角落

399
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,737
不，我自愿的，我不想传染给大家

400
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,239
听着，不必为此惩罚自己，知道吗？

401
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:13,407
这不是惩罚

402
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:15,909
如果我能待在家，我也不想来，但没办法

403
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,996
所以我要坐在这里玩我的Switch

404
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,166
真希望你可以不要在我上课的时候玩

405
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:23,917
真希望你可以不要在我玩的时候上课

406
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,210
但也只能这样

407
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,629
我只是为了其他人着想

408
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,299
我们应该这么做才对

409
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,051
牺牲小我，完成大我

410
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:37,181
老天，我的学生青出于蓝，我这位老师实在太成功了

411
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,809
各位，快出来

412
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,188
各位

413
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,024
-抱歉 -为何要一直面对面接触？

414
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:49,068
明明可以寄电子邮件，干净、无菌的电子邮件

415
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,861
你最好是来讲好消息的

416
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,488
不，情况只会越来越糟

417
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,990
不一定，我已经跟《大西洋》说了

418
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,743
所以若情况恶化，我的故事反而会更精采

419
00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:59,787
听着，我知道…事情被我搞砸了

420
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,830
我明白我一开始错了，你们是对的

421
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,583
我认为我们应该把所有接触过病源的孩子

422
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:08,295
集中到体育馆隔离，直到放学

423
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,881
好，这主意不错

424
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,883
但谁要负责看管他们？因为…

425
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:13,967
我去

426
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,219
除非…

427
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,679
有其他人愿意？

428
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:20,974
好吧，我也只是问问

429
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,810
我本来就自愿，所以…

430
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,894
祝你平安，兄弟

431
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,313
-对了，葛瑞格，借我你的装备 -少做梦

432
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,441
好吧，就这么决定

433
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,444
-我会成为英雄 -好啊

434
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,821
再见

435
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,155
上吧，你可以的

436
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:36,240
好

437
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,034
天哪，他有够勇敢

438
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:40,744
别叫我去就好

439
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,830
不如让你去，你们是室友

440
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,207
真他妈的该死

441
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,709
上帝，在这一天

442
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,422
我能感受到上帝的力量在全身微微发痒

443
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,384
-发痒？-对，就像小天使

444
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,969
在我的皮肤上跳舞

445
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,637
你们看

446
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,431
上帝赐予我一个红色的小光环

447
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,809
芭芭拉，你长体癣了

448
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:04,935
正是如此

449
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,019
我的天哪

450
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,312
芭芭拉，那…

451
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,314
要不要跟雅各说，换你去体育馆？

452
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,067
可惜那并非上帝为我安排的计划

453
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,152
祝今天愉快

454
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,864
-我觉得上帝也要我离开 -不，艾娃

455
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:23,662
不行

456
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:27,416
我把船撞上冰山，我也将因此随之沉没

457
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,128
希望没有人会碰我

458
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,842
我真的很感激你，老希，真有你的

459
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,385
谢谢你

460
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,764
再见，艾迪老师

461
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,392
好，亲爱的

462
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,311
今晚好好休息，记得洗手

463
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,605
好吧

464
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,649
等四到十天后再来电影之夜罗？

465
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,151
那也不算太糟嘛

466
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:55,777
我们再FaceTime联络

467
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,031
对，好

468
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,035
再见，小妞们

469
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,508
好吧

470
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,761
所以…

471
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,055
要先看哪部电影？

472
00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,517
《沙丘》或《星期五》？

473
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,479
都可以，我们会一起看，所以我没差

474
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:31,897
我们有一整个周末

475
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,066
我得到体癣了

476
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,901
跟我想得一样可怕

477
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:37,152
但我们一起感染

478
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,154
身上还有一样的环状，所以…

479
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,281
不，没你想的那么可爱

480
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:46,245
有个秘诀，如果一直有体癣，就不怕被传染

481
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:48,121
你要怎么理解都行

482
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:49,790
对，我也得到了

483
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,501
但结果热水浴缸男那个早上被赶走

484
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,796
因为那个嵌入式热水浴缸违反社区规定

485
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:57,381
我提议去吃晚餐

486
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:59,841
但他说这样会违反他的假释规定

487
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,219
所以我只好待在家抓痒

488
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,805
我现在明白上帝只是在考验我

489
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:08,433
而现在，祂在考验教会合唱团的全体成员

490
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,727
但你们应该看看雅各

491
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,897
通常不太可能会这么严重

492
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,358
但我可能是个医学奇迹吧

493
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,653
我没得到体癣，但我得到绦虫

494
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:22,281
是加油站旁的海鲜餐厅，感染又痊愈，一切值得

495
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,366
字幕翻译：Quill Lee